allison elaine writes

How Daily Surrender, Obedience, and the Holy Spirit Transform Relationships

Strong personalities can build things—or break them.

I was raised by two very strong people. Their strengths were ambition and passion. They were driven, capable, and unapologetic. But those same strengths came with weaknesses: quicker frustration and very little tolerance for baloney.

That shaped me more than I realized.

It took significant life events—and a lot of humility—for me to understand how often my strength was actually getting in God’s way. What I once saw as passion, God revealed as self-reliance. What I justified as honesty, He exposed as fear and control, showing me that daily surrender to God was the only path to spiritual growth and freedom.

Scripture makes it unmistakably clear:

“I protest, brothers, by my pride in you, which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord—I die every day!”
1 Corinthians 15:31

Dying daily is not metaphorical. It is a conscious, repeated choice to step aside and let God lead.

When my daughter was around 18 or 19, I found myself deeply frustrated and heartbroken. I felt distance growing between us, and I didn’t know how to close it. In desperation, I cried out to God, asking why I felt like I was losing connection with my oldest daughter.

And God answered clearly:

She just needs to see Jesus in you.

My response was honest and immediate. I told Him I didn’t know how to stop expressing fear. I didn’t know how to stop letting anxiety, control, and unhelpful words seep into that relationship. I told God I didn’t know how to simply show Jesus instead of my fear.

His response was gentle—but firm:

I’ll do it for you.

In that moment, something shifted. I can only describe it as the Lord removing fear from that relationship. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, I was given the ability to bridle my tongue, release unhelpful reactions, and stop operating from fear—not through willpower, but through dependence on Him.

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness…”
Romans 8:26

What I didn’t realize then was that obedience often requires patience.

Nearly seven years later, my daughter shared something that marked the fruit of that obedience:

“Mom, you’re one of my best friends.”

The beauty that has come from submission and obedience has been immeasurable. Getting out of God’s way—dying to myself—has allowed me to witness His mighty hand at work. And every time, it has been for His glory and for the greater good.

The enemy’s strategy is subtle but effective: to lead us into self-reliance. When we depend on our own strength, wisdom, or control, we become ineffective—not because God steps back, but because we never stepped aside.

What I’ve Learned

• Die to your fleshly nature daily
• Put on the whole armor of God
• Rely fully on the Holy Spirit

Reflection & Action

Where might God be inviting you to get out of His way?

Is there a relationship, fear, habit, or form of self-reliance that needs to be laid down—not through striving, but through surrender?

Call to Action:
Take time today—intentionally and without distraction—to ask the Holy Spirit to show you one area where you are holding on too tightly. Write it down. Pray over it. Then take one deliberate step of obedience that reflects trust instead of control.

Getting out of God’s way is not passive—it is an act of faith.
And it may be the most obedient, powerful step you take today.