allison elaine writes

One thing is certain in life: you don’t get to skip through the daisies without difficulty. Hardship is unavoidable. And honestly—how strange would life be if it weren’t?

In many narratives we consume, hardship is framed as the defining moment of a person’s life. Whether it’s death, violence, abuse, childhood trauma, or loss, suffering can become the primary lens through which a character is understood—rather than one part of a broader story.

For many years, society lived on one extreme. Abuse and dysfunction were rarely discussed. People powered through, kept quiet, and survived.

Then, as humans so often do, the pendulum swung.

Now trauma has become central to identity. Life is filtered almost entirely through what happened. Pain is revisited repeatedly. Sometimes it becomes the explanation for everything.

But Scripture shows us something different.

We are never told to deny suffering. In fact, we are invited to bring it into the light.

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18

God does not dismiss pain. He draws near to it.

And yet, we are also not told to build our identity on suffering.

“We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.” — Romans 5:3–4

Notice the movement. Suffering is not minimized—but it is not the final destination either. It produces something. It shapes something. It moves somewhere.

That middle ground is where healing actually happens. It’s where we make space for grief without being ruled by it. It’s where we acknowledge trauma and also believe in the brain and body’s God-designed capacity to heal and adapt. It’s where we utilize counseling, community, and practical tools—and we also lay our pain before the Lord.

“Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” — 1 Peter 5:7

We serve a big-picture God. Walking like Jesus requires us to lift our eyes beyond what has wounded us and see our story within His greater redemptive plan.

There is a difference between honoring your story and being trapped in it.

When hardship becomes the only lens through which we see ourselves, it begins to dictate our reactions, our relationships, and our future. But when hardship is surrendered to God, processed in safe community, and integrated into a larger story of redemption, it no longer defines us—it refines us.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good.” — Romans 8:28

“All things” includes the parts we would never choose.

How you frame your hardship matters. If you deny it, it will surface in unhealthy ways. If you cling to it as your identity, it will keep you stuck. But if you bring it to God, process it wisely, and allow Him to shape you through it, it can become part of your growth rather than the cage that confines you.

The trajectory of your life is not determined solely by what happened to you. It is shaped by how you carry it forward—and who you entrust it to.

Reflection

Take a moment to consider:
Where does the pendulum sit in your life right now?

Have you minimized your pain in the name of strength?
Or have you allowed it to become the primary lens through which you see yourself and others?

What would it look like to move toward the middle — to acknowledge your story without being defined by it?

Healing is not found in denial.
But it is also not found in staying anchored to what hurt you.

It is found in surrender, wisdom, and steady steps forward.